Friday, April 25, 2008

"El Shingles"


Do you remember back in the 1990's when everything was blamed on El Nino?  It started out being blamed for weather changes, then moved to weird ocean currents. It wasn't long before you heard it being the scapegoat for allergies, gross airplane food, increased gun violence, why he dumped me, brittle nails, blue eye shadow, and eventually my mom's bad hair day. Even Chris Farley realized the significance of this global phenomenon.  

So lately, I have been having flashbacks to those excuses as it seems I am blaming everything on "The Shingles." At about 6 months pregnant, my body thought growing a child was getting a little boring so it thought it might throw some good ol' fashioned Shingles into the mix.  Fabulous. 

The shingles have been gone now for over a month, but it has left me with Post-Herpetic Neuralgia (PHN).  Again, fabulous.  It basically feels like someone is putting a cigarette out on my back about every hour. The only thing that makes it start to go away is by laying down.

So, this is where I start to look bad:  
Oh look, dishes need to be done. . .My back is killing me, I need to lay down.
Volunteer in Tay's class? . . .Dang, my back is killing me.  I need to lay down.  
No clean clothes? . . .My back was killing me, I needed to lay down. 
There is only ketchup and broccoli in the fridge. . .Yah, about that, my back was killing me. I needed to lay down.

I felt bad when Téa asked me to do something and I started to say, "Sweetie, I  - "
She cut me off and said, "I know Mom, your back hurts."

But I am here to tell you I'm not lying.  I'm for real!  I promise you.
I only felt slightly vindicated when, after asking my doctor if PHN was normal, he responded (and I quote), "No, it's awful! It sucks." Unfortunately, I was alone when he said that.

Oh, and by the way, Justin took that photo of Ben.  I haven't been taking pictures of anything or anybody lately. . . my back has been killing me, I've needed to lay down.  

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Why doesn't your deadbeat husband take care of all that stuff while your lying down?

I'll bet if he spent half as much time helping you as he did preening for the camera your problems would go away. In fact, I'll bet your back would begin to heal overnight.

Oh well, at least he's good lookin'.

Amy said...

somehow, you made shingles funny!
love you
hope your back feels better.
xo

Betsy Boop said...

Briar........it was so great to see you today. I love you and your sisters and brother, and I miss you all soooooo much!

Love, Aunt Betsy

Betsy Boop said...

Briar, please give your family my email address at betsytelford@gmail.com so I can keep in touch........love you!! XXXO

Jessarella said...

You were a trooper today. Sorry you didn't feel good but I loved sitting by you at lunch and had so much fun visiting you. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you this week!
Love you, Jessica

Beebs said...

Oh Briar I am so sorry for your back! Even though your blog was hilarious, I still feel really sad. To be pg and have other issues is just to crappy to bare! Let me know if I can help you. Funny how my house and fridge look the same yet I have no back troubles nor am I pregnant. I'll have to come up with a good excuse! Maybe MY problem IS El Nino! ;-)

Josie said...

oh, i am sorry. that sounds awful. at least you have a good excuse for not having to wear a bra.

and mom's bad hair day...for real?

Lewis News said...

You poor thing! Did you bust out in tears when the doctor said that?! I would have died. I'll bring you dinner and go to the grocery store for you. Make a list- I'll let you know when I'm coming up!

Rochelle said...

I had a funny dream the other night after I read your post. (my dreams are always weird just for the record)
It went something like this:
I'm with you somewhere and we are talking about our kids and then the conversation shifted to the pic of Ben. I think I said something like its a really good picture and you said "yeah, Trent wanted Ben to get that picture taken"
Oh...ok

I know - weird. It made me laugh though. I hope are feeling better!

BRIAR said...

Rochelle - you just made me laugh out loud.

The Brownings said...

Hey Briar! I'm so sorry...that does suck :> I hope you start feeling better soon!