Saturday, January 20, 2007

"Do you know who I THINK I am?!!"

Me and Trevi

OK. We went to Chefdance, yes CHEFdance, not Sundance, but is was at Sundance, no not in Sundance, but in Park City. We went on the opening night, Thursday. Seriously, if People Watching were a sport (which I will argue it IS) it would be the Superbowl and if it were shopping, it would be the Day after Thanksgiving, and if it were Avery, it would be Christmas or Cheetos. Yeah, it was that good. The people really came through for me this year, and I appreciate that.

All the Sundance Film Festival is about is The HAVES and The HAVE-NOT's. That is all it's about. The movies are just a cover. You see, you can BUY tickets to the movies. Everything else, and I mean EVERYTHING else is not bought, but SHMOOZED. No one is even INVITED, tickets do not exist, your place is SHMOOZED. I take that back. The 15 celebrities who go are invited. The rest did what they were suppose to do. . .SHMOOZE. And the coordinators of these events are fully aware of what they are doing. They are creating a myriad of opportunites to allow "industry people" to feel important and cool.

I witnessed this first hand. They invent VIP rooms and VIP sections within those VIP rooms. Well, your name is on the list for the VIP section, but do you have a wrist band for the VIP area of that VIP section??? You do? Great. Guess what. You need a stamp with that wristband to get into the VIP corner of the VIP area in that VIP section. OOOOOH, sorry. You don't have the green wrist band also, just the pink one. You can't sit in THOSE seats. HONEST I am not making this up. We laughed so hard watching guys tell groups of people "Oh, they won't let you in? Oh, I can get you in. I'm friends with Jonny who knows Chrissy whose mom did the flowers at Tom Cruise's wedding. We're golden. C'mon, follow me." So down the stairs they come, and back up they go. Denied and off to the next try.

So - back to me - We had our name on the VIP list which got us into the Airborne and EXTRA Bar. Then our name was AGAIN on a 2nd VIP list that got us the VIP wristbands for the CHEFDANCE dinner. Then Ben shmoozed (yes, of course he did) Mr. Chefdance himself who personally walked us up to the heavy who VIP-stamped our non-VIP wrists and into the Matisyahu concert upstairs in HarryOs. (Unbelievable concert by the way.)

So, by now with our name on two VIP lists, a wrist band and wrist stamp - you would think we have made it into the innersanctum of VIPdom. No no. There was a VIP section in there too. I just started laughing. That one was my favorite. It was a small little area that was sectioned off in the middle. The funny thing was that you could get up to the stage and all the way around that area without being a VIP-to-the-fifth-degree. For sure, the only only only reason that one was there was so that some overweight, clipboard-carrying, jewelry-wearing, cologne-offending, slicked-back-hairing guy can feel cool about letting in his friend's friend's friend's 5 latest 22 year old, alcohol-carrying, puke-smelling, breath-offending, unconcious-being, Charlotte Russe wearing, stumbling girls. Hmmmm...
Maybe next year. . .

Thursday, January 11, 2007


We have had a really great month. Busy. And great. We went on a ski trip to Big Sky with the Websters (Avery says insists it was a "Skateboarding Vacation") where Téa and I both attempted snowboarding for the first time. OK,that is a story for another time. I have the bruises still.
Ok, so then we rush back for Christmas. After Christmas, while still in the one week process of "detoxing" my kids of the sugar that they have been main-lining for 2 weeks, I get a little call from Shmeegs asking me to come visit. "Oh, and by the way, we will just swing down to Palm Springs for a few days". Of course, I accepted the offer and left the next night with just the girls and no Ben. Thank heavens for movies and movie headphones. Those girls melted the Corpse Bride and Mermaidia DVDs. I've never seen Mermaidia, but I do know every annoying word of it and that Bibel "IS SOOOO FUNNY!!". My cell phone battery is on the fritz so I couldn't talk my way down to Vegas, I had to sing my way. That is too much singing. Even for me.
We didn't have any problems when we stopped in St. George this time. (Well - one. Avery made it all the way to the restroom and THEN wet her pants. She just cried and said "WHY DO I HAVE TO HAVE A BUM! IT JUST MAKES MY PANTS WET! She was so so sad and was so irritated that she had some malfunctioning body that leaks.) The last two times we stopped there our license plate was ripped off our car. What is that all about?!
Back to the trip. It was great. Palm Springs was SOOOO, well, SOOO not Utah. No snow, and a pool. FABULOUS.
Wow - I've got to stop. I am dragging on. Can you tell Ben isn't home yet?


Right before she headed up for bed that night, Avery showed us how Santa gets down the chimney.