Monday, April 30, 2007

You tell me. . .

Scenario #1
The other day I opened the door to a solicitor. He smiled and said,
"Well hello. Is your mom or dad home?"
"UM...I'M MOM."

Was he wearing dark glasses and carrying a white cane? NO.
Did one of my kids answer the door? NO.
Were they anywhere around? NO.
Did he act embarrased at the mistake? Totally.

So ok. As I walked upstairs, I had to smile and think, "Am I offended?"
You tell me.

Scenario #2
My girls fight over who gets to "shnuggle mom" when we are on the couch.
They argue why they think I am more comfortable.
Avery's argument: Mom is as soft as a cloud.
Téa's argument: Mom is as soft as bunny.
Is this a compliment or a slam?
You tell me.

Sometimes you just have to laugh to keep from crying.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

I've Met My Match

Yesterday was my birthday. I got some gifts, spent the morning with some friends, and ate delicious, delicious food.
Does a girl need more??
This girl does.
And no, you are not thinking what I am thinking.

It was late, LOST was over. Kate and Juliette had duked it out. I was tired and did NOT want to sit up to see what Ben was trying to show me on his laptop.
Yeah, no. I was NOT moving.
Oooh, but I am glad that I did. Who would have thought that a simple 4-line email from a stranger named Anthony would MAKE my birthday dreams come true? It was the owner of a dog training school telling us he is ready for us to DROP OFF Rocco for A MONTH of in-house training!!!!!!

Do you hear it?? I can hear it. Yah, it’s the Hallelujah Chorus, again.

Now, don't get me wrong. . .I have lived with some difficult people, in - let's just say - some very difficult circumstances:
I've had roommates steal my undies (and yes, wear them). I've had others smash pictures of me down in the couch cushions. I've found a girl hiding in the closet with a gallon of Mint Chip ice cream (true). I’ve also had my mail chucked at me (hard) because I got a letter from my boyfriend and she didn’t. I've had a roommate "turn me in" for being out late on a date – forcing me to have to clean dumpsters all afternoon. I’ve lived with a bulimic clogger who DID NOT OWN a toothbrush! I’ve had a roommate un-affectionately known as “MOM” because she would DAILY ask me how my shower was or tell me I couldn’t go out with Ben because I hadn’t studied enough for my physics test. I've had a male neighbor strip-down and stand in front of the eye-level window whenever I walked by. He also got his mail in nothing more than his boxers and cowboy boots (again, true) insisting that I loved it. I've had a creepy apartment neighbor who would try to talk to me through our thin walls while I was showering saying, "Hellooooo, I know you are in there..." I've had a roommate in Israel leave me a goat's hoof on my desk with a note that said "For all you do, this hoof's for you." I've had a mission companion fuming-mad at me because I was "breaking mission rules by not eating 2-3 servings of meat a day" (if you lived where I did, you would be vegetarian too). I've had another one tell me I'm not allowed to laugh "because that is being idle." I've been force-fed all parts of a pig and/or cow (ALL parts). I’ve been greeted by half of a cat placed on our porch, followed by a bullet, and than a knife. I’ve lived next door to cock-fight trainers who would tie their roosters to the top of chain-link fences to make them mean. We would sneek out late at night and untie the (understandably) mean roosters. I've been woken up in the middle of the night to the sound of our ceiling crashing to the floor. I've lived in shacks made of plywood infested with huge flying cockroaches and rats the size of pregnant cats who literally ATE through the wood trap forcing us to build one out of metal and bait it with chicken (we named him Nicodemus). I've been bitten by an octopus (yes, they have beaks), a squirrel, and a snake. I have recently found more than one snake in my home. I've spent the night outside being dive-bombed by bats trying to get our hair. I've backpacked Europe for a week with no shower and - when finally given the chance - spent 45 minutes filling an ancient tub with water from various ancient tea kettles, only to have THE LAST KETTLE dump green SCRAMBLED EGGS into my bath (I cried).
I've been peed on, thrown-up on, and lied to.

I can continue.

These stories bring me nothing other than smiles. Lots of smiles. I love them.
Neighbors can be weird.
Roommates are suppose to be neurotic.
And animals, well, animals bite.

But Rocco. Wow. I can’t do Rocco. I have never seen a dog like Rocco. He is a 60 pound chunk of lead that will run-down even the most innocent civilian. We’ve tried everything. And other than putting him up for sale on Ebay, I have not known what to do.


Until last night.
Anthony, the dog trainer, gave me the Birthday Gift of all Birthday Gifts. I’ve never met him, but I already love him.