Oh How I Love Traffic School

Getting up at the crack on a Saturday morning sucks. Sitting for 4 hours in a flourescent-lit classroom sucks. Listening to Stopping Distances at Different Speeds for hours sucks.
But the People Watching is absolutely phenomenal.
Where else do you get a 70-year-old drunk, a 21-year-old lesbian whom the instructor refers to as "sir" more than once, a 30-year-old pregnant woman, four 25-year-old chain smokers, 2 sister missionaries, a 40-year-old Japanese woman who speaks zero English and frantically copies "the notes" from my manual, a man with a belly so round that every time he stretches the folding table almost tips, a middle-aged man who won't stop loudly clipping his finger nails with pieces hitting the guy in front of him (true) forcing "the victim" to angrily (understandably) get up and slam his book down in a new seat . . .incidently next to the guy in the bright blue parka with his feather-trimmed hood up - of which, as hard as I tried, I never did get a glimpse of his face -, a little guy who kept has hood over his eyes and slept until the instructor asked people to hit his desk until he woke up (it took 3 or 4 pounds), a man - my personal favorite - who claimed he wasn't speeding and wrongfully ticketed - the whole room erupted into laughter - (I thought that defense was reserved for robbery, arson, and murder. please), a girl who had her dad drop her off (apparently she drives, right?), a girl who takes every phone call she receives. . .she is such a VIP, and an instructor who is retired, wearing shorts, socks and sandals, and thinks he is way wittier than he is. . .ALL IN THE SAME ROOM, for four hours! I mean really, it's priceless. Oh, and so is the reminder to slow down and wear a seatbelt.
I can't wait for next year.
I also love how when I google photos of getting pulled over the first thing up is Britney Spears. Perfect.

A fellow artist, Dallas Graham, does mini-bios about his subjects.
Today it is Ben.

Well, Now You Know. . .

Téa said the funniest thing right before Christmas.
It was a blizzard on Christmas Eve and Ben and Téa were out somewhere. He said,
"Wow. It's pretty dark out here with all of this snow. I wonder how Santa is going to get around. How do you think he is going to find our house?"
Obviously leading her to Rudolph.
And she said,
"Dad, that whole Rudolph thing is just an HERBAL MYTH. Santa can find his way on his own."
We had no idea she was so "Herbal Myth" savvy.

New Years

The Hillmans out-did themselves once again and threw a great party. We spent the evening with them and the Hackworths and ended up spending the night. I started to lose all personality around 11pm. The lights were on, but I'm telling you right now, nobody was home. I was a light-weight and the kids (and the Hillmans, Hackworths, and Ben - well- everyone but me) were going strong. The kids finally went down at 2am, which means we went to bed at 2am also.
We had like a 14-course breakfast prepared by Beth and Gheen followed by a "family-knockout" when we got home at 1pm the next day. So so great. Thank you to the HIllmans!





Above you can see Téa getting her first roadside "talking to" after having a major meltdown on the way home. She had every reason to blame this one on exhaustion.

That was Ben then. . .

This is Ben now. . .
He did it snowboarding on Thursday. It was a complete dislocation of his right shoulder. The X-rays make my stomach turn and the story of it being jammed back in makes me light-headed.
The poor guy has a shiny-bright, brand-new sandblaster, compressor, and 200 pounds of sand in the garage waiting to be used for their first time. But no arms to use it.
The doctors say 6 weeks, Ben's thinking more like 4 or 5 days. . . or maybe this afternoon.
I realize it is basically impossible to understand what you are looking at, but let me just say that the big white blob in the middle of the X-ray should be all the way up underneath the white line at the top. Yah, ouch.
POST SCRIPT: There has been some debate if that first picture is really Ben or some stock photo. To clear the record, yes that is Ben. Honest, I promise.

A Future in the FBI

We went to our church Christmas Breakfast last week. And what do you know?? Santa came for a visit! Of course there is a kid-stampede to get in line. Téa is in line, surrounded by other kids, and loudly announces,
"I don't know if I feel comfortable sitting on some strange old man's lap pretending to be Santa."
Oh. Ok. Well you can't fight her on that. But she kept going on and on. I finally had one mom asking me to get my kid to zip-it.
She came bounding off the stage excited because apparently he was the real Santa. No doubt about it.
But she later withdrew her claim, stating that
A) He had bad breath, and that
B) the REAL Santa only eats mints. and
C) not only does he eat only mints, but specifically minty cereal, so
D) it would be impossible for him to have bad breath at a Christmas breakfast.
Therefore, it couldn't have been the real Santa.

Avery, on the other hand, was just happy to be there.

Ben made these glasses and I love them, but there is just something about the way Justin photographed it that makes me NEED the glass and NEED some Orange Fanta. When was the last time you needed Orange Fanta?

Countdown to Christmas

Ready or not, it's coming. This is the first year Ben and I have felt "under the gun." For the past four years it has always been "I want the pink Fairytopia Barbie for Christmas. Oh - and some Cheetos." Ben and I would go out on the 23rd and knock it out in 2 hours. We didn't get what the big deal was. Oh no. No No. Not this year. Our precious little 6-year-old has sung a different tune this year. It was more like "Santa's bringing me a Nintendo DS, a pink Gameboy, and an iPod." Who have you been hanging out with little girl? What about the new Fairytopia doll? It comes in purple this year! Or that cute little tea set? huh? Huh? HUH?
Yah, no. Santa better be quick on his fat little feet, and clever.
Yes, we finally got a tree, and no, we did not drag one in from the yard this year. And had we done so, Aves would be eager to clean up the mess.



Over breakfast, Avery went into great detail of how her friend was mean to her baby brother and how she "won't do that to my new baby." (It's true, I'm pregnant.)
I freaked, wondering how we could have eaten so many oranges in one day. I went to turn out the lights, and found this by the front door. Don't ask. I don't have an answer.
It was a little quiet Saturday morning, I came downstairs and found this. Better than breakfast in bed. . .

A visit to my brother's

I visited Jake's house for the first time this weekend. This was taken in his room.

So in Love

As soon as I told Avery this was her first ornament from the year she was born, it was love. I'm in love.

Merry Christmas to me!!

Saturday morning Ben told me he had a surprise for me. It was killing me. We went hours of me not knowing what it was. At 2pm there was a knock at the door and before I could get around the corner the girls were screaming "It's Jamin and Kimra!!!!!" Oh wow, instant tears. I lost it. They moved away to St. Louis a year and a half ago and we haven't seen them since. We love love love them and we have been broken since they "left us."
Then Darren shows up and then Mitch and Katie too. I thought it was Christmas morning. Everyone knew The Barbers were coming, except me. It was a great surprise. We all went to lunch together and then the Barbers stayed with us the rest of the day. They even came with us to pick out a Christmas tree.

Tay and Avery got turns with the camera.
It was late when they left and Avery got dressed "warm" to go outside and say goodbye.

Listen up

I need your email address. If you are reading this, and you have my email address, well . . .I need yours. We reformatted my computer like 2 months ago and I lost all of my addresses. So - this is my plea for your info.

(And here are a few Halloween-time photos that decided to upload 5 weeks after-the-fact. Others are still being stubborn.)

New Project

Ben teamed-up with Zach Jones and created this letterpressed "vintage" poster. It commemorates the release of Utah's newly minted quarter. I have to say, it's pretty amazing in person. The circles on the bottom are where the new quarters would go. I love it and wanted to show it to you guys too. You can find it at The Mandate Press or at Sam Weller's bookstore.

Thanksgiving

This holiday season thing seems to be flying. I feel so out-of-date already with Thanksgiving pictures. Time seems to be going quicker and quicker. We had 18 over for Thanksgiving and I couldn't have been happier. It is always so great to get everyone together. Ben's parents came down from Idaho, The Francis' came up from Vegas, The Hites came over with their tiny one and even Great-grandma Edie made the trek.

So, do you remember HATING being put at the notorious "Kid's Table"? Now I remember why, They had no clue though. Well, not yet anyway.


After dinner, the kids were a mess and Richard made the suggestion that it was time to go for a run in the sprinklers. It's 35 degrees outside. Well - Henry and Avery thought it was a great idea. As you can see, they realized it was 35 degrees outside too. They remembered to keep their shirts on.


It wouldn't be a family get-together without a swim. I think the kids enjoyed this more than anything else.


Where's Collin? (We miss you guys.)

Yes, The Reverend Rocco is Back.

I have been asked a lot lately if Rocco was back from boot camp. Yes yes he is, indeed. He was gone for 8 fun-filled weeks back in April and May.

He came back a different dog. I was convinced that the reason he was gone so long was to take the time needed for the lobotomy scars to heal. He went from a crazy freak, to a brain-dead couch potato (fabulous!).

Well, he must have just been tired because he is still the same crazy - sometimes inconceivably dumb - dog. I still catch him trying desperately to catch and chew dust particles, and he is still has irrational fears of alluminum cans and laundry baskets. It's just that now he knows some pretty serious commands and can actually walk the block without a leash. Impressive.

And we aren't afraid to use the shock-collar. Before anyone gets mad about that, don't. I felt bad too, but Ben went ahead and shocked me in the kitchen. Yes he did. It wasn't bad. But he did get my undivided attention.

For those of you who aren't familiar with my difficulties with this bulldog, you can go here to learn of my earlier sentiments.

He's also a great dog because he only sleeps here. He goes to work everyday with Ben which helps a ton.
Long live (the new) Rocco!

Our newest-newest nephew. . .

All of these babies! Cute babies. Roz and Richard had Grant on Friday. I held him for about 15 minutes on Sunday and said, "Yup, Ok I love him." I do.

Breakfast - the most important meal of the day.

I sleep in, Avery takes care of her own breakfast.
If you come over and sleep in, I am sure she will make some for you too. We may be out of jam by then, but we'll see. Don't worry, we'll get more pepperoni too.

Smart Thinker

Avery has found that if she puts on my boots, she can reach the TV buttons. I tried to explain to her that standing on her tippy toes does the same thing, but she won't hear it.

A little empathy here

My iPhoto is not letting me upload photos. I don't know what the problem is.
So let me just take this chance to share a little empathy I have with Ms. Marie. Not even having watched the show, I have watched her faint 18 times, on every network and every show. It's embarrassing enough to faint, but then to have it played over and over. . .

I found myself feeling bad for her. It's because I had an embarrassing faint, and it wasn't even recorded.
I was a Junior in college. It was my first week in my Anatomy Lab. New class, new cadaver. Three o'clock in the afternoon, no lunch yet. Bad bad combo.

The cadaver was on his stomach and the teacher was going over the muscles of the back. I was pinned between the cadaver and the wall. I was leaning OVER the body to get a better look, breathing in all that wonderful formaldehyde. Do you see where I'm going with this?? Luckily there was a girl leaning over next to me. The last thing I remember was looking over at her and saying,
"Uh, I think I'm going to pass out."
The next thing I feel is this girl's hand against my neck sliding me down the wall. She saved me from falling face-first into this poor guy's guts.

I never really got to know anyone in that lab. So it made it worse when I found out a few months later that my name was "THAT GIRL." That was my name. Even the lab tech admitted to it.
So embarrassing.

Halloween

We had a great night last night. We couldn't have asked for better weather. No snow!!! The computer is being weird. I can't upload half the photos. I will try again later.
Hope you had a great Halloween.